Disclaimer: I am going to explain some details which some may find difficult to read.
February may be the shortest month but of all of them its one of if not the most notable one for me. Not because of valentine’s day (rolling eyes emoji), leave that commercial day alone. It should be notable for negative reasons and that’s where the testimony lies. But this is not A testimony, this is THE Greatest testimony of my existence so far. In my spiritual journey this is where God has defied logic, defied the natural, defied reason, defied psychology, defied trauma and just shown what the verses “is anything too hard for the Lord”, “ With God Nothing is impossible”, “Fear not, For I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am Your God. I will help you; I will strengthen you; I will uphold you with my victorious right hand”, really mean.
For the last 33 years I have lived those verses without knowing until a certain point in my Christian walk where it was evident, that is what God has been doing for me all my life. God is Good, God is the Greatest, God is the Best!
There are many things in today’s world that are considered normal, whether you write it with or without quotes. When I was growing up, my reality was that it wasn’t normal to grow up in a household without a father. It wasn’t also normal to be the only child. Or should I say I was just in the minority. To the best of my memory, in that era I was born, children had both parents living with them as well as sibling(s). The full nuclear set. So how did I end up in my situation? Well, being the only child, is a question only God can answer.
Having said that my testimony is that he knew me before he put me in my mother’s womb just like the Excellent Book says, to the point he knew I would love being an only child. I have come to understand this in my capacity of being an adult who has processed life information. I don’t feel I would have fit in with siblings if I had some. Maybe I am wrong, but I love that God connected with me in that way, that he operated in advance to make sure I grew up in a situation where I would feel, I am not only ok, but I love being an only child. So yes, it may not have been normal, usual, etc but I have come to see it was just right for me. God is Good, God is the Greatest, God is the Best!
So how about the other situation, not growing up with a father, how did that happen? Again this is certainly one only God and the murderers know. God knows because he knows everything, not that he was involved. It was the murderers thoughts and deeds that took the chance of me growing up with a father present in some way. In some way because if he was alive I don’t know how the dynamics would have been. Before my dad was killed, he didn’t live with me. So when he was murdered, the little time I had with him was reduced to 4 memories that I thank God I have and I pray I remember as long as I live.
Off course I wish I had more memories. The testimony again is that God has helped me see that 4 memories is far more than 0 memories. Just after he died, I was scared I would forget those 4 memories, seeing as I was less than 7 years old. The testimony again is, I may forget where my phone is (sometimes its in my hand), why I went upstairs, why I opened a website, why I’m on the WhatsApp page, but those 4 memories are intact my friend! God is Good, God is the Greatest, God is the Best!
When I say God has defied so many things, the ones I’ve listed are not fully exhaustive, I really mean he has defied many things. But what do you expect with a God who parts the seas and rivers, the one who put the breath of life BACK into Lazarus, Jairus daughter, the widows’ son, Jesus aka the Resurrection, who will then bring to life all those who have died in him. Why can’t such a God defy things for me? Well, that’s my testimony. But how do I explain this testimony of God defying the odds, the natural and all of that? The answer is I can’t explain it. God is unexplainable like that, powerful like that, sovereign like that, awesome like that, magnificent like that. How? allow me to try and give you some details because as I said how do I explain the unexplainable.
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My dad went missing and was later found on a hill burnt beyond recognition. I know this because these details were published in the newspapers and the enquiry that alleged to seek the truth behind his death. Some details are known such as he was abducted from his home, taken to another venue, tortured in that venue (crushed his legs amongst other things), he was shot at some point and then finally taken to a hill and set a light. The remains of his body were found some time after.
I have a cousin, Davis who during this period of my health challenge would frequently send me WhatsApp messages saying he was just doing a wellness check. I love it! I imagine if he was to read up to this point, he would do the same. My response would be, I am ok as I write this. This is the testimony I am talking about. I can give the details of my dads’ death with strength that is unexplainable which means it is coming direct and straight, no layover no transit, from the Lord of whom nothing is too hard for! What kind of strength am I talking about? Well how can you explain strength from God other than perhaps the aftermath/consequence.
I am not in tears (not by suppression, I don’t believe in suppressing tears or emotion), I am not depleted before, during or after telling this story of my life. With my health challenges I have learnt to listen to my body and when something is right, I feel peace all over my body, nothing aches tingles etc everything is fine. When something is not right even when I don’t know what it is, I feel “turmoil” or a “storm” in my chest. As I write this, my body is ok. I can continue to live my life as I usually would, going about my usual business, cracking jokes when it’s time to crack jokes, swiping left or right on the bumble apps (Lord have mercy).
I ask you is this normal after the loss I have had. A psychologist/scientist/sceptic/critique/unbeliever etc may give an explanation which I know is ultimately false, because the God I have read about in the Excellent Book containing 66 books, does such unexplainable, logic-defying things all day everyday not just for me but for all his children and even those who don’t believe in him. His Grace, Favour and Sovereign power is one you cannot dismiss just because you can’t explain what you see or don’t see, what you feel or don’t feel. Just because you don’t believe, doesn’t also diminish his power. His power is matchless and when it’s on, it is ON!
In the natural I know I should be deeply affected by the death of my dad on Feb 13th, 1990. Truthfully we don’t even know if that was the date he was killed. The testimony again is that The Resurrection aka Jesus himself gives us hope that, that date doesn’t even matter in the grand scheme of eternity, because there is a date that is coming Guaranteed! when Jesus Glory alone, will raise up this father of mine who has been asleep and patiently waiting to be woken up. What a day of rejoicing that will be!
The testimony here is that through God’s saving Grace on the cross, Feb 13th, 1990, was not, is not and will never be the end for me. My testimony is, that is the date God wanted to show me, personally, persona-personally as brother Peter and brother Paul (not New Testament) sang, what he was going to do for me. And just what has this Awesome God done for me?
This Sovereign God has covered me from things I should have gone through, experienced and lacked. This God in his mysterious and many ways, I believe had a feeling, in my view (I could be wrong), that allowing this to happen when I was younger was better for me. If I was older, I would certainly have been a wreck. The attachment would have been greater so the loss would have been greater, is my thinking.
He allowed this timing such that he would work on me from a young age, without my knowledge (thankfully) such that by the time I was an adult and able to understand the full extent and consequence of this loss, his Spirit had already given me my own version of inner Samson power and strength, such that the details would still not deplete me. The Holy Spirit made sure that the spirit and character I was fearfully and wonderfully made with would not be compromised because he is the God that sits on the throne and is in full control over everything including emotions and traumatic events and most of all has plans for me which are for Good and not for evil. God is Good, God is the Greatest, God is the Best!
In giving my testimony, please understand God has responded how he has responded because he is God. I responded the way a human can respond because I am a human, so off course I cried when my mom broke the news to me. As time went by I cried at the fact that human beings can torture and kill another human being who was my dad. I was saddened at the fact that I had 4 memories and would not create more on big events such as graduation, big birthdays, wedding, birth of his grandkids. Later on in life, as I got to learn the impact of the absence of a father in his daughters’ life, that made me sad and at the same time was revealing in a healing way. It explained certain things especially in my dating life and I’ve been working on them, all thanks to God.
In 2021, I developed a strong desire to get to know my dad for myself and not from second hand stories. Naturally this would not happen, and I did what I do, I prayed to the consistent Father I have and will always have, who will never die. My testimony is that God has given me acceptance that I can’t talk to my dad and get to know him as I would someone who is living, and I truthfully believe God will reveal what he feels is necessary in his time and I am very ok with that.
What I am trying to say is yes, I have had my human responses which are natural but let me tell you this Sovereign Father of mine in heaven, has ensured he has met me where I am even if I may not have known where I am. I remember when we were young, when certain scenes came on tv, we were either asked to cover our eyes or our eyes were covered so we didn’t see the scene. I feel God has done that for me and he has done that because it was for my good and preservation. God is not a fermenting God to allow you to ferment and be feasted on by the “bacteria and viruses” of life. I am his precious child, and he will, has and will do anything for me.
He has walked with me, held my hand and closed my eyes so I don’t see that I am walking near a crocodile and snake infested swamp because seeing it would kill my mind or spirit. Not on God’s watch! PS: He doesn’t sleep and he doesn’t snore or snooze! I feel he has carried me over a path of broken glass (big and those small invisible but powerfully piercing pieces), thorns, cactus and molten lava spread all over and sheltered me from what should have been a long season of overwhelming, unbearable, pain, sorrow and grief.
My testimony is that God has done exceedingly and abundantly. My testimony is that God has not stood in the gap. It was my earthly dad who tried to stand in for those little years and God took his rightful place as my ultimate, undefeated provider, yesterday, today and for eternity. My testimony is that God has been teaching me perhaps what my earthly dad should have and when you are connected to the God of wisdom, truly, truly you will learn and do better as his syllabus continues.
My testimony is that because death came into my life so early, I have had time to think about this mysterious yet certain event and again God enrolled me in his syllabus so that I can see death to the best of my ability, with the eyes and hope he has given in 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 which is my go to verse for comfort during grief. Again, God knew I would need this especially in 2021 when my cousin fell asleep, a term I now use following this same syllabus he enrolled me in. Instead of running away from death, in the future I want to be a bereavement professional and allow God to use me to help others.
My testimony is that God is an awesome God even when the evil one brings evil to your life. My testimony is that God has never left me, and he never will, even if my feelings will lie to me that he has. Its just not possible for God to leave me. God never left 6-year-old me, he will not leave, thirty something year old me, now that I need him more. God has always been there for me more than any human being combined can. God has quickly identified what I have needed and has supplied it before I even had the vocabulary and capacity to ask or believe. Though this is the greatest testimony of my life, the sad part is I can’t even narrate it in a way that gives it justice because there are so many testimonies within it, I have the time to write it, but there might not be the time to read it.
The only reason I have shared this story is to give God the spotlight, shine and Glory he deserves because God is Good, God is the Greatest, God is the Best! Nothing else. I thank him for all he has been to me and done for me and most of all I thank him that this story doesn’t end here. “For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the archangel’s call…” and my dad and those who have slept in the Lord will rise and by faith I will meet him again and hear him call my nickname. Most of all, we will always be with the Lord in that beautiful city where there will be no more sorrow or injustice, a place where God will wipe every tear and death will be destroyed forever.
Till we meet again.
Related verses
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, Revelation 21:4, 1 Corinthians 15:26, John 11:11, Joh 11:42-45, 1 Corinthians 6:14, Matthew 28:6, Mark 5:21-43, Luke 7:11
Next Post: 26/02/2023
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This is brave to share. May God continue to watch over you!