O Death, Where is Your Victory?

It was a Thursday just like the day I am writing this. I had received a message from my mom in the morning that my grandmother had had another cardiac arrest. I prayed a prayer I never ever thought I would pray. My grandmother was 93 years old. She was frail. She had been ill for more than 2 months at this point.

Prior to that she had been ill here and there. This episode, she had been very ill and was in the hospital for a while and had even been in ICU. A few days earlier a discussion came up with my cousins on the topic of when to switch of life support and I was very strong on NOT having any such thing done to her.

My maternal grandmother was the only grandmother I really knew. She had stayed with us as a kid and even as an adult. Traditionally she could only stay at my mom’s house because she could not stay in a house where her daughter was living with her husband. When I moved to UK, we would write letters to each other in our language, and I still have hers to date.  I was blessed to have her travel for my undergrad graduation and when I went back to Kenya, I would visit her.

I remember one visit after I had graduated, I had my friends visit. Some were guys, and she asked how many boyfriends I had! I think I’d introduced each as my friend (platonic), but to my grandmother she appeared not to take it that way hence the concern as to how many I had. But she was cool about such things. I remember after my graduation there was a discussion about a potential suitor!

After receiving the message about the cardiac arrest and contrary to my position on life support just days earlier, I prayed to God saying if it was her time to go, I released her. I was on my way to work at around 8 in the morning. In fact, I remember I was at a point where afterward I wouldn’t get reception. I worked in a small town and reception was a big problem.  I used to keep my phone at a certain spot to get reception.

I usually had an alternate Friday off, and I always ensured to leave things how I wanted to find them on my return. I even organised for things to be done in advance, so that when I came back things were still ok. At around past 12pm I looked at my phone. I saw a message from my mom saying my grandma had passed. I ran upstairs to the staff room and cried. Even though I had prayed to release her, hearing the prayer had been answered wasn’t easy. That was exactly 11 years ago as I write this.

The testimony is in many areas. The fact that I had the thought to pray and release her was nothing but God guiding my thoughts and prayer. My mom had been with my grandma the whole time in Kenya. Two of my cousins and an uncle of mine would particularly check on me regularly and I didn’t feel alone. I thank God. I had a get together and I had told my friends I couldn’t host on my own. They came and helped me, I thank God.

On the day my grandmother died I had thought I would travel soon after and I had packed some of my stuff to go back to London where I would travel from. In the end I didn’t travel soon after, but could I find my passport! When I needed it, I drove back to where I was staying, 1hr and a half, couldn’t find it, drove back to London another hour and a half, only to find it had been hidden in a very safe place, so it didn’t get squashed. A place I’d have never ever thought to look at. The box of a feminine product. Blame it on the grief. But these are not the only reasons I’m sharing my testimony.

It’s how God has taken me through the syllabus of going through bereavement. He also knew what was coming ahead 7 years later so this was preparation. If you would have told me 11 years ago, I will have peace that surpasses understanding, I wouldn’t have believed you. Is it anything I did? Never! Did I pray that in 11 years I want to have peace that surpasses understanding. No, I didn’t know to pray such a prayer and put such a timeline. But God knew how he would comfort me, so that as time passed, I would see his hand had been on me, just like it always has and always will. In the syllabus of what God has taught me about death, I have also come to detest the statement “time is a healer”.

In all the miracles Jesus did where he healed ALL sicknesses and diseases and raised people from the dead, it was HE who healed, NOT Time. Jesus is the healer of all hurt and pain. Not Time, Never Time. Why is he able to do this? He is all powerful, he is The Life and The Resurrection, what is sickness to him, what is grief to him? Nothing he can’t handle because Nothing is too hard for the Lord, not death, not grief, not the grave! Amen!

The greatest comfort God has given me is in my other favourite verse 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18. Ever since I was born all I know is that my grandmother believed in Jesus Christ. What that means for me is that, if I mourn her, I don’t ever have to mourn as if I have no hope. I also never have to say another phrase I detest that believers say when a believer dies that “death is not final”. If death is final, it means Jesus is still in the Tomb!

Jesus is not in the tomb! When he comes back and he will and in a Spectacular way! people like my grandmother who believed in him will be raised up. The grave will no longer have its hold on her! Hallelujah!  So if I want to be reunited with her, I need to make the daily choice of asking for Gods help and grace to keep believing and keep walking with him, then when we all get to heaven, what a day of Supreme Rejoicing it will be!

The thanks I give to God today, 11 years on, is the strength and comfort he has given me during this whole time to be able to see this day with this kind of approach. It is definitely not my own doing. What a Good God, always near the broken hearted and my testimony is when you allow him, you don’t have to stay broken hearted. He will help you; he will strengthen you and he will uphold you with His Victorious right hand, that stretches out into grief, sorrow and pain.

Though you may be pressed on every side by troubles or grief, may you not be crushed. Though you may be perplexed, may you not be driven to despair (2 Corinthians 4: 8). Only believe a time is coming when God will wipe every tear from your eyes and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things will be gone, FOREVER! (Revelations 21:4) O death where is your victory? Amen, amen and Amen! Till we meet again Dani (grandma).