Life is hard sometimes because we expect it to go a certain way, then it doesn't, then we are so frustrated and sometimes very hurt. I remember one trip to Kenya that was not what I expected. I didn't expect it to be quiet. I didn't expect to be indoors. This is home! Why am I going to stay in the house especially after I've paid that ticket price (even if it's the right price). I don't expect it to be like my experience in London where you are used to a social life that is in "ICU" sometimes. If you don't make any intervention or effort it is definitely dead. Not because you like it that way but because you don't have control over your circle's availability. It is very evident we are all in different stages in life and that has the biggest impact in our ability to meet and connect. I really understand it in London but during that trip I didn't understand it and was even teary about it.
For the trip I recently made, I had prayed to have a phenomenal trip and nothing like the disappointment I experienced that time. It wasn't that I wanted to do the things I used to do during other trips. I had no desire to club or drink. I wanted to be in the company of my friends just chatting about anything and everything, making noise and having fun. During one of my many moments of frustration, it came to me that maybe God was answering a prayer of mine and looking far ahead, far ahead into eternity, while I was only looking in the short term.
Before that trip I had prayed that I didn't want anything to spoil the spiritual progress I felt I had made. What I didn't know was God took it very seriously and I came to see why it was a good thing that he did. One time I had gone to socialise and was coerced into doing something that I didn't want to and I gave in. The reality is whatever you do, you've done it because you've chosen to do it. Even though I want to, I can't blame anyone for my choices. I had gone back to an old habit I thought I had left behind.
Very quickly and without having had no thought about it for a long time, there I was taking shots (for where I was or thought I was, I didn't want to be in this old habit. no judgement on anyone not in that place). I couldn't believe it. Prior to that day, I had no craving for shots. This is why we can't trust ourselves. We have to seek guidance at all times and obey what may lead us stand out from the crowd. In addition to that we have to pray to be comfortable to stand out from the crowd and be ok in saying No!
I felt guilty and felt embarrassed to even approach God. I approached God anyway. One of the many things I know about God is he is always welcoming because unlike me, he knew what I was going to do way before and also knew what was going on that made me revert to old habits. I've gotten to understand better this year, just how much Grace God gives us even before we run this race of life. He knows we will have struggles, real struggles that make the Christian life difficult, especially when the temptation is within your own circle, but his Grace is sufficient. Nothing we can do can ever make him love us less, abandon us or reject us. My testimony is through all the things I have done out of harmony with him, he has never left me nor forsaken me just as the Excellent book says.
From that incident I started to see why maybe my usual social circles were blocked. It probably wasn't them, it was me. I had committed to a path but needed to continue to be pruned/moulded. The clay doesn't go to the shop to be sold. The finished piece of art is what goes to be sold. I was not yet finished and if God had to block me from going to the market place to protect my growth and keep me on the path that I wanted to, then he would do it by any means. To me it looked like a frustrating trip where I didn't get what I am used to and didn't get what I was expecting.
This trip has shown God answers prayers in his own way and I am beginning to accept it more and more. It has also shown what peace and contentment there is when you release the need to expect a certain outcome. When you release expectations, you are not in any turmoil or heavy emotion. A place of peace seems to be the theme for me to end the year and I love it. The trip has also given me insights similar to my health coaching practice in that the people I am going to work with will come into my space.
Similarly whoever I am supposed to meet on my trip, I will meet. That takes off so much pressure and also burns out any expectation because I am relying on God to let me meet who I am supposed to meet. If I let him direct my meetings, I know for sure they will be for good. If I direct them, it means the risk of going back to things I don't want to, the guilt, the shame and I was not created to live in any of those things.
God's syllabus for my life has brought me to the place where I don't want to work with just anyone, I don't want to socialise with just anyone. I want to work with and socialise with people he sees fit for me to work or socialise with. My testimony is that when you let God lead, a place of peace and victory becomes your daily reality. Every single day I have met someone either in the progression of my health coaching practice or for the good of my social life. It may be different to the other trips I was used to, but different is good.
Different and productive is good. Different and spiritually aligning is excellent and exactly what I need. Different and not disturbing my spirit, is just perfect. Different and still enabling me to go boldly before the throne, without feeling guilty or embarrassed is what I want. Different to any held expectations can be pleasant. Gods' ways are not our ways, but they are always for our good, especially when we don't see it or feel it. He knows what we want and wants exceedingly more than we could ever ask for because he is Good like that, Great like that and Ultimately the Best.
Related Verses
John 10:10
Romans 8:28
Isaiah 55:8-9
Proverbs 16:9
Ephesians 6:11
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