The last floor before 4th floor is where things are really shaken up. When you take a saltshaker and hit it when its not producing anything, you’re doing that to let out what is stored in it, release what its holding and empty it out because it was designed to give not keep the salt hostage. I didn’t see the things that were happening like this. All I knew was the fun was not like it was before, in fact later on it was gone. My tribe was evaporating like said salt above. Work had challenges I’d never experienced and was not used to. The dating scene, ooowi! This is the floor I my would lose my grandmother and cousin. A lot happened.
This was also the floor I started seeing that I needed to do more in life specifically for others. I did a breast cancer walk and prostate cancer walk, and I thank God, my motivation wasn’t like it was for others, where they have directly been affected by these cancers. This was the floor I broke my statement “I am DONE! with schooling!” went and did a subject that has never been my usual interest and was definitely out of my comfort zone. I have always been a science person not business. See Work Place Miracles: T.U.P.E post. I’ve said this before, I will say it again, God is a God of order, and he will take you out of your comfort zone because he has an assignment for you that has to be fulfilled. That is what you were designed for and his will, will be done (ask Jonah)! Amen.
This 3rd floor is where I would go on a journey of life changing events. This is the floor Long Covid, without my explicit consent, decided we will have a PhD relationship. This is my 3rd year with it. On this floor is where I would make the boldest decision of my career by transitioning from the job I had known for 15years. I would move and do something else, not even knowing what this something else was. This was the floor I learnt about Health Coaching. This was also the floor where I would discover the impact of the absence of my dad, ooowi! Talk about revelation, look out for my future post “Parents, Are They to Blame?” oowi!
I maintain my childhood was my best era. Gabor Mate may say something about that, but I shall discuss that topic on the next post, ooowi! I am proud of all the things I achieved and learnt on 3rd Floor. I love that I started this blog of sharing my testimonies. A bold move because many times I’m sharing views, opinions and feelings that I haven’t even shared with my people. I am convinced that I am doing what I am supposed to, because I am ok sharing, which is not the usual me.
The only reason I share is because I strongly believe everyone ought to know how God is Good, God is Great and God is the Best. Most of all I really want everyone to know that God Loves you like no one can and nothing can ever change that. If you don't get anything from my stories, please take that. When I talk of God, I’m not talking about any of these gods out there, I am specifically talking about God the Father, God the Son (Jesus), God the Holy Spirit, the God of Shadrack, Meshack, Abednego, (my role models)and the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
My testimony for this last floor before 4th floor, is that God was hitting me with things that he knew I needed and things that would shape me more into the person he wants me to be, for the purpose he designed me to fulfil. God was also hitting me to answer my prayers. When you pray God help me to show kindness and love like you to others, WUEH! You have no clue what you are asking for, nevertheless you have asked for it and so God will then take you on that syllabus. My testimony is that, you will be ok, you are in God's hands.
When God was hitting me with the things I didn’t like, the things that would stretch me i.e., the syllabus, he wasn’t hitting me because he is malicious or a sadist. Diamond, iron etc has to go through fire, clay has to be spun and spun and spun on the wheel, if it had tinnitus, I’m sure it would be gone! Meaning after the spinning comes healing! Hallelujah!
My testimony is that the fun needed to reduce or halt, so I could enter into this new season of being myself, get to know me and most of all get to know God. Why? Many reasons, including when you know who you are, you know where you are going. Also he has been and will be the strength of my life. I needed to start learning that syllabus at the beginning of the 3rd floor, because at the ending of it, is when illness etc would come. My testimony is, the PhD illness, has not taken my strength, because it can not take out God who is in me. Hallelujah!
My testimony is that the circle needed to reduce because I needed to understand that not everyone you hang out with is your friend. I also needed to understand that in this 7.8 billion world, you need a range of people in your life and its not that some are less than the others. They all have some value they bring to you as an acquaintance, colleague, friend, relative, neighbour, etc. When you add up the value that you get from each of them, you will see that having all of them is so worth it. You can’t have all of them as your friends, because not all of them are your friends and not all of them are designed to be your friends.
God as the owner of the universe, has designed who he wants you to have in your life. Go with it. When you resist, that’s where you get into turmoil. Crying for someone to be a bra when they were designed to be a belt! They were not designed to lift and support you. Find your bra! Men, I’m especially talking to you too, find your man bra. The world is literally killing you and it doesn’t have to be that way. Talk to us also, we know a thing or two about measuring to find your bra. My sisters when they come to you, welcome them, the way the measuring ladies, welcome us in a nurturing way. Welcome them back each time.
My testimony is that I rediscovered the world of doing things for myself, something I'm a pro at, being an only child. If no one was available to go on holiday with me, I took myself to Paris, Mombasa, museums, concerts. I love that I found how to do this because even later in life, I will still need to do things for myself. Just because I will be married, or a mother doesn’t mean I will stop taking myself out. If anything, it will help me be better in all my roles. I will be putting my oxygen mask first, then effectively helping everyone around me in a way that doesn’t deplete me.
On that note, my testimony is that singleness has not been a curse or disadvantage as it is made out to be. It is in this singleness that I have learnt vital things that will help me overall in life. A married person and a single person are still, persons. The single season has allowed me to know what I like, my pet peeves; for the love of God my name is spelt Tracy without an e! take off your autocorrect and whatever else is making you not follow this statute and ordinance. I have learnt the characteristics that I value in an acquaintance, colleague, friend and significant other and I am choosing not to settle (learnt that the hard way).
I have learnt there is nothing wrong with my own characteristics and with what I want. There is nothing wrong with me in that all the strengths and flaws make Tracy (without an e). The name Tracy has many who have it, whether they spell it correctly as I do :) or wrongly, but there is only one Tracy (without an e), me, in this world. This is the special design of God who says that even with the flaws that I am working on, on a sequential sequence, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. After all I am made in his own image.
My identity is I AM a child of God. Nothing can take that away. My strengths, flaws, career, marital status, children status may change, and those things can therefore not be my identity. My identity needs to be one that is not changing and that is as a child of the Most High. The things I do, are just that, things NOT my identity. I am trying these days to say “by profession I’m a pharmacist, health coach etc.” I don’t want my mind to programme that my identity is in these things which are here today, gone tomorrow, because that is how this world is.
One thing about God and my testimony, is that he is never going anywhere, he is not asleep, he is not idle when he is silent. He is not a cloud or thunder, to rumble and tumble and make noise to tell you when something is coming. My testimony is that I have learnt about God through all the many things that have happened not just on this floor before 4th floor. I am so glad he has given me the honour of getting to know the ONE who keeps me going, keeps me strong, keeps me focussed on what this world really is in terms of 1. this fight of Good and Evil, 2. the hope and promise of Eternal life, the best part.
He has kept me wanting to learn more, keeps my behaviour within the laws of these lands and within the general sphere of human morality (I still have more of that syllabus to go through), keeps my mental health in a good place and Mungu ni nani (Who is like God) keeps my physical health in a good place when it is not in a good place. Read that last bit again. Most of all He has taught me all that I am going through is preparation for Home; a place where there is no sorrow and I get to hang out with God eye to eye and not die. Stay focussed Tracy (without an e). What I am saying is anything good and positive about me, I credit to God.
My testimony is I wouldn’t get to live a life where I know I am one thought away from the Creator of the universe who…Created the universe duh! Meaning he can do Anything, if only I believe. The scientists etc., will never ever be able to explain it but that doesn't take away from God's character. He is who he says he is and he does what he says he does. My testimony is that God truly does exceedingly abundantly far more than we can imagine. You have to be God-aware. Open your eyes and be aware of what God is doing for you, in the smallest of things and the opposite. I am one nonverbal prayer away from peace, one ask away from a miracle, and one belief away from eternal life. I love this for me. I saw a meme recently that said “Don’t be surprised if we’re doing this church and God thing too much. Maybe you have options but for some of us, it’s either God or God or God or God.” Hallelujah!
My testimony is that the sustaining power of God has taken me through the 2 grief seasons I have experienced, on this floor before 4th floor, to the point sometimes I feel like shouldn’t I be grieving more? My testimony is that God has given me a way of seeing difficult phases in my life. When my elderly grandmother was ill in ICU, it was not looking good, and I remember a general conversation came up about DNR or switching off life support. I was against such talk to tears. I felt it is God who should have the final say. My grandmother had two episodes where she had to be revived, and after the second I prayed to God.
I knew for an elderly person, that was a lot. I prayed to God on my way to work around 8am that if he wanted my grandmother to rest and not suffer, I was ok with it. Look at God listening to me! A few hours later around 12pm, my mom sent me word that my granny had passed. God had, the final say. I really feel God helped me through this syllabus and I was able to release the outcome and let him have his way. The power of AND says off course I cried on one hand AND on the other hand, I knew it was ok for my grandma to rest and not suffer. Life is not black and white always.
Seven years later, grief would come knocking at my door again. 17th September 2021, I was extremely excited like I hadn’t been in a very long time. Kenya had finally been taken off the UK’s Covid red list and I could go back to my favourite place without restrictions. See Miracles in the Pandemic posts. I was also dealing with the Long Covid, so such excitement to go where I know I thrive was amazing news. I’ve been saying for the longest time, I will give the testimony on this cousin of mine who is now patiently waiting for the resurrection. For the Glory of God this appears to be the time to share it. Continued in part 2
Related Verses
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
Isaiah Isaiah 55:8-9
Isaiah 41:10
Philipians 4:13
Genesis 18:14
Revelation 21:4
1 Corinthians 15:26
Psalm 7.12
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