There are a few things I hate about growing up. As you grow up some of your friendships appear to either disintegrate or the dynamic changes for some reason. Sometimes we are in different life stages and the schedules just don't seem to match so we don't meet. Sometimes our mutual likes are now not the same and we want different things in life. Sometimes you don't even know what happened. I hate this latter one.
This change in friendships started happening in my early thirties and I really hated it because I couldn't understand it. How have we been friends all this time, hanged out and now we are not hanging out anymore. As far as I know I didn't do anything wrong and on my side the other person didn't do anything either. Having said that there are many things I will not do and one of them is to be in a one sided friendship. One where I feel I'm making the effort. I call, I text, I reach out, I ask to make plans. No! I refuse. And this year as I approach a big birthday I am determined to stick to my lane more than ever. I have gradually been assisted to build the intuition or wisdom to tell where my company is needed and that is where my focus is. Friendships should be a see-saw, where we take each other up in turn.
The evidence of these changed dynamics has been in my social life because after all that is where I would be interacting with my friends. In my twenties my social life was the best. I was with my friends frequently and I was having a lot of fun. Another thing I hate about life is that at times it appears as though the fun is over. I look back at the millions of pictures I've taken over time and I just smile and sometimes laugh when I remember what happened on that occasion or after. Then the smile goes because I realize the present days are not like those days. Another particular occasion I have noticed this change in friendship dynamics is during my trips back home. I especially hate this part.
I used to look forward to my trips home. I would count down the days as I was so excited. Everyday I had a plan with a different group of friends and there was no day I would be in the house. I loved it! I don't pay my air ticket to stay in the house. If I want to stay in the house I will stay in the country I reside. As time has gone, the change in friendship dynamic has really been evident to the point I no longer have that excitement I had before to come home. I thought my health challenges and consequent restrictions in lifestyle were making me dread the trip but I've realised the friendship change is also a huge factor.
What I am saying is coming home is not the same. I still love being at home, and I am always going to come home because I love the sun and everything else I love about it, I just don't like that its not the previous fun trip it used to be. Its really bothered me and I've been doing as I do and have been talking to the One who can change anything and everything for my good, for sometime. This week I saw clearly that he has been hearing me as he always does.
It started with one friend asking for myself and another friend to meet up. We haven't met as the 3 of us for quite some time and when she said that I was very surprised and very pleased. At this point I hadn't recognised that God was starting to do something. Look at God, he does "drive-by" blessings till you don't even recognise it till later. Later in the week I prayed again about this situation because something triggered me and it began to bother me again. The next day I was just doing my usual routine and I got a text from my friend.
This is one of my friends where I've definitely seen a shift in our friendship and I don't know why. If I dig I will probably find out why. We still communicate regularly so the fact that she text wasn't out of the ordinary. The content was certainly extra-ordinary and special because God was the only one who knew how I felt about our friendship and the message she sent could not have been sent without his divine intervention. Could NOT! The message touched me in a special way and yet again for the Nth time saw that God not only hears my prayers but cares about these things that have been bugging me for sometime. After reading the message, I was smiling like a Cheshire cat.
I was in such a good mood, you would think I had won £100 million tax free. Even this change in mood was God knowing exactly how to soothe my spirit because the previous day I had been thinking and saddened with the shift in friendship with this particular friend of mine. I continued with my day which turned out to be a very jolly day. I met up with my friend during the week. She mentioned other friends were to join us. I had wanted it to be the two us then we could catch up so I wasn't so enthusiastic about the others coming. I didn't pray about it. As we continued hanging out the other friends who were to come couldn't join us. I didn't even ask why. I could see clearly God had seen and heard my unexpressed heart.
Such a Kind, sweet God who cares about me and grants me things I have or haven't prayed for. The latter being a frequent occurrence and probably or rather definitely more than the ones I do pray for. So now what?
Now I continue to leave things in God's hands. The night when I was thinking of this friendship shift in general, I decided I am going to leave and surrender it in God's hands. Look at what he did the next day! He gave me something unexpected that really made me smile. A text. A simple text but one that he knew I needed. Now what I also need to do is to strongly avoid attaching a particular outcome to this prayer because from the text, it is clear there is no way I could have seen that coming, so equally I cant see how this prayer will continue to be answered. I'm leaving it in God's hands as with all the things I leave for him to work out because truly truly I say and testify to you yet again, there is nothing too hard for the Lord.
Related Verses
Genesis 18:14, Proverbs 16:3, Ecclesiastes 2:24, Psalm 118:16, Ecclesiastes 9:1, Psalm 89:13-15, Psalm 62:8, Psalm 145:18,
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